How Can I Lose Something I Never Had?

I'm feel sad.
I'm crying.
Tears runing down my cheek just like the rain during the stormy days.
I'm crying my eyes out.
I just want my tears to run out.

I've made a mistake of letting people in again,
I've made a mistake of getting comfortable with people again,
I've made a mistake of opening up,
now, I JUST DONT WANT ANYONE TO COME NEAR ME!

EVER!!!!

i decided to run, why because i know the answer is never. but why am i crying....how can i lose something i never even have to begin with? Over the past two years, each person just tells me a story,

to never let people in.

Once you open up to a person, you tend to let your guards down and you get to know them...after that....who knows?? I know he's going to ask why and the reason for doing so. I don't function the way you do. I'm not you. I understand you're just trying to help me when i'm in trouble, when i feel like shit because of my brother and everything, when i feel like everything seems like going down the drain. I could do everything on my own. I don't need anyone. I never needed anyone. I should continue on doing so. anyways, Good luck! I know you can reach your dreams. hehe. It hurts now, so to avoid getting hurt later i'm saying my goodbyes. I hope you take good care of yourself. I know you would never read this. Your effect would be greater..But thank you for your time, now I've realized alot of things in this cloudy head of mine. I'm also sorry if i ever make you feel like I'm controlling you or anything because I never meant to do that. I was just very cautious of losing people....I guess I'll just stick with my old plan.....I didn't expect this to happen to0. I'm not asking anything in return when I help you or anything, before I just like the company of a person but through time, i've grown attached to you and I've realized it when I reached Perth. And so, things changed, things i swore i would never feel anymore.........and now everything repeats it self...like someone used to say, "it's all your fault" i guess what that person says is true, it's me. It's not you, it's me, you were just trying to help.

Later days!! Guess this will be the last post for the time being.