I Got Issues Man

Psycho!!

Every single time that I'm in a stable happy moment, I'd do something that would make me turn into this crazy paranoid afraid person. Man! I have issues, at times even I can't even stand myself.

For example: when i'm happy, i would browse "someone's" friendster and i know what i would be seeing and i know that i would be jealous and starts on thinking about what could have been and what might have been. But~ No0o0o0ooo000oooo00000000~~ i would go on browsing til i feel so sad that i cry infront of the lappie. How dumb is that?

I don't even know why I would do things that would make me sad and cry. At times, I think it's because I want to remember that don't always be happy. But you can just be neutral, which is good, Not to happy but not sad. I've been quite happy for quite sometime, and Azri said it's good to hear that I'm happy even though I'm happy in a very weird way. How weird? let's see, I added Mr.Cruke and he approved and added me in another social internet thing. ohh!!! i got happy by just that. not just for a couple of minutes, but happy for a day or two. I know, it sounds crazy but it's nice. It's happiness with no risk of getting hurt or get sad *i know ppl should take a chance but I'm not focusing on that now* And Azri said, even though it's weird, nontheless, he's happy that I'm happy. haha. Azri also told me that I should just talk to him, but I don't want too. I know sounds like a lame arse loser girl, but I like how I am right now and it's good that I don't have anyone close to me. I don't need to care about anything.

Anyways, I don't know what else to ramble.

Later days!