The first time in my life, when i reached Kuching airport, I didn't feel like stepping out. I cried thinking this is the most confusing and emotionless moment for me. I don't know, I wanted to come home, but when I reached the airport, I was having second thoughts. I didn't know what to do. The first time going back in a hurry, the first time for all of us to be on the same flight home, the first time for all of us to take shower together (in different cubicles) and the first time i have ever feel so tired from a flight going back to kuching.

I kissed him goodbye with prayers for his journey. Everyone cried. but i didn't go to the cemetery to bury him though. I feel like such a useless grand-daughter. Some of my friend who came, was trying to talk to me while i was in a hurry to see my grandpa. So i just brushed them off.

There's this immigration guy, who was being concerned and all, and smiling like crazy at me. asked me whether I was having a fever or anythg. Then I just told him, No, my grandpa passed away. I swear to god. I don't think he would ever care asking people that question ever again.


Somewhere along the line, I've convinced myself that everyone die eventually. For a brief moment I agree with Als not to get marry or anything. I saw my grandma, it's like she's lonely walking the house looking for things to do, telling people to clean things and such.. I don't want to feel that when i'm old.

Later days,
Double Zee.