It's been awhile since I last updated my blog.

Argh. A lot had happened. somehow, I'm not sure what to type.

1. Celebrated Raya In Perth Again.

2. Jon went to Karratha for work. Mining stuff.

3. I've fallen into deep til there's nothing left for me to feel

4. I'm trying to get myself back but as days goes by, I found myself caring less and less.

5. Family came here for raya.

6. Went to a group meeting on the first day of raya.

7. Missed out on The Scripts concert.

8. Feels like partying all the time.

9. Effa came to Perth.

10. Sent an email explaining everything. not everything.

11. Im hating where I am in life right now.

12. Been wanting to go to the Uni's counsellor.

13. I don't like being numb but I just can't help myself.

14. Diesel asked me out again. *no-echoes*

15. I don't know how excitement feels like anymore

16. I can smile infront of people but I don't feel happiness.
17. Took a health quiz in a health website> Im a high risk depressed

18. I'm asking for help. Plz anyone!

S.M.S.

SAVE

MY

SOUL

Hello,

Honestly, I don't like how normal is. Because I take normal as we can joke around, poking around, piggy back riding..ahh stuff like that, that is what I take our normal thing are. But I guess I was wrong. I feel uncertain, nahhhh.... empty. Guess the feeling will pass? But I don't want to let it go because I feel good with it. Then again, it won't work if it's just me. I guess I should be on high dosage of medicine so that I sleep most of the time. Hence, no thinking. *sounds like a sleeping party*

Life as it goes, is making me mentally tired by the day, makes my body ache. All I want to do is do nothing and so I think that I should just go back home to Kuching and sleep my days off.

"I guess it's okay I puke the day away"

But then, I have to finish my degree. haha. I hate it. I hate all of it. Hate these kind of stuff. I just want to be............. a rockstar!!!!!!!!! a high on drugs and alcohol kind of rockstar. wahaha what the heck am I saying? I'm waiting for my next class actually.So yeah, I like to let my imagination runs wild and sometimes it's quite dangerous *that girl is so dangerous*

Oh yesterday, dad got pissed at me because I didn't answer his phone calls. I was in class, it was on silent and that is why I didn't answer his calls. Why does he have to be like that? Well, I know that he's worried about Rin's conditions but then, chill man. I'll be alright and hey, we all need a reason to die anyways.

p/s: some of the things that i typed in this post is..........different from how and what i'm thinking.

Later days,

double zee.

Last night was the worst night ever.

Last week was the first time I went to a club (metro's) and last night would be my last. Sorry to anyone who goes clubbing or anything. I dont think that's a good place. I don't ever want to go there ever again. I won't be elaborating on this but I'm sure that last night is the last straw and so I thank you. I highly dislike that place.

later days,

double zee.

Holiahuu,

I think that it's just a matter of time that things change. Probably I think too much because I used the word "I think" in my sentences. I should relax and don't think too much. I should also stop caring about other people because most of the time, if you show people that you care about them. They would and could take you for granted, who in the world would want someone to take them for granted.

So, I guess it's just a matter of time til things change, all the good things seems to be distant memories. Memories that you wish that you could relive again and again, the type of memories that you hope would never end. But then again, everyone should remember that all good things must come to an end. Just when you thought that things are good, fine and happy, think again because happiness comes along in a package with sadness. So, everything would end when you think that it's okay.

Do I sound so emotional? *it's just emotion taking me over, caught up in sorrow lost in the dark, if you could come back, come home to me darling* - it's a song! I highly dislike this feeling, the feeling of losing something that you're comfortable with. haha.

Later days,

Double Zee.

Greetings earthlings *wth??*

I like the sound of the rain at times. It helps to calm me down, even though I quite calm right now. It's Friday night and I'm at home, I don't feel like going out today. But tomorrow would be a long day, I also think that I should go and pick my little siblings report card.....hmmm *blank*

I've been avoiding a couple of people since I got back, I'm not sure if they would ever read this but I don't quite care because this is my own personal space online where the whole wide world could read it. There are reasons for me to avoid them, I don't do things without any reasons. On his/her defence he/she must have a reason to do so either but I've been trying to think of any good reason for he/she to do so and I could not see any good ones.

The stories goes something like:

A has been friends with B for quite a long time. A would always be there for B, no matter how hard life goes for B, A would advice B and be the one to calm B down whenever B is in a mess. Okay, you get how their friendship is. *Long story short*

After all of the hard times B goes through and A would never complaint but everyone got their limit and A just reached A's limit and sometimes A thinks that B is that dumb. B told A that B is never going to do the same thing like disappointing B's parent and try to improve B's self. After anything bad happen B would talk to A and A would still advice B but then again, B would never listen, B is getting worst by the moment. A is finally giving up and trying to avoid B because of B's lack of thinking. B always told A that B is going to be better and will find a better B.5 but everytime B.5 would be worst and worst and B would just don't care. But when the relationship doesn't work, B would try to kill B's self and then be sad infront of A. A got sick of B's drama and B would never really listen to A so this time A is washing A's hand clean off B's life drama because A thinks B will learn by B's self the hard way. A also think that if B really wants a worth it relationship, B would have to start looking for it at the right kind of places and not those places where you get drunk and act that you're single and have no wife and kid waiting for you at home. Therefore, I wish A & B good luck! -end-

I went to SS the other day, and somehow it's quite relaxing when the little ones are not there too. I could really chill there and watch the sunset and sunrise. It was damn nice and the night was oh so damn beautiful too!! I like it there when there's no one around.

So next issue would be......RAINFOREST!!! To go Or Not to go.....Tune in next week but I highly think that I won't be going.

Later days,

Double Zee.

Harloww...

Now that we are towards the end of the semester, one by one of us are leaving Perth. I'll be the third person leaving. Somehow, I really do cherish this semester. It was fun, a pinch of psychotic, a sprinkle of annoyance and a big spoon of sighseeing. Overall, I wouldn't change it for the whole wide world. I guess this is how and what University life should be when you're abroad. You'll be a tourist too. (^_^)

Oh! earlier today, dad called to informed me that the parents are going to Umra' and that he wants me to take care of the house and so on. I was a bit shocked because I really can't anymore. I shouldn't say that I can't. I should say I don't want to take care of the stuff. It can be quiet tiring, especially for my age. I'm still young and I'm on my holiday break! I wanted to stay at the apartment and try to relax by myself. I did take care of everything once and having a big brother doesn't help much.

Anyways, I guess I won't be seeing the usual people in Kuching. I know I'll be so damn busy from morning til night and that's why I'm not sure if I'll be able to see them.

Later days,

Double Zee.

Harlow,

We went to Mudaring tonight. It tooked us around 20 - 30 minutes from Jon's house and as usual, there were a lot of people but then again we help ourselves to unfold the tables. The pizza dessert was so nice, the mudhoney! and I don't really like the apple and cinnamon, I ate only the apples and gave the others to Jon. *Thank you for finishing my dessert* I think Jon ordered it because it's apple and cinnamon. haha. While we were waiting for the pizzas to come a song that I'm quite addicted to these days played and it's like the song is played where ever I go.

Don't you think it's time

Time to start anew

Time for changing views

Time for making up your mind

Don't you think it's time

Time for moving on

Time for growing strong

Time to leave the past behind

You've been on my mind

Oh you've been on my mind

You've been on my mind

Oh you've been on my mind

Don't you think it's time

Time for quelling fear

Time for a new year

Time for meaning what you say

Don't you think it's time

Time for easing doubt

Time for reaching out

Time to open up your eyes

You've been on my mind

Oh you've been on my mind

You've been on my mind

Oh you've been on my mind

Don't you think it's time

Time for trusting more

Without keeping score

Time to let forgiveness out

Don't you think it's time

Time for showing grace

Time for having faith

Time to make more of this time

You've been on my mind

Oh you've been on my mind

You've been on my mind

Oh you've been on my mind

I don't think I can take this holiday, I know by this time next week I'll be back in Kuching. I could probably be in bed sleeping, or out with my friends, or in the TV room watching those long long dramas til I look like a panda the next day.

I also don't like facebook nowadays, it's so damn bored! It makes me....hmmmm out of words. and Oh! Now I know what I want to eat when I reach Kuching:

1. Rojak Buah

2. Hainanese Four Points

3. Mdm. Tangs Laksa

4. Mom's random food menu

The people are planning to eat at:

1. Bella Itallia

2. Hartz *i know of all the places, eating at hartz kinda random doe!*

3. BBQ

4. Steamboat

5. MP pizza

6. Ayam penyet

Anyways, talking about the people, I am referring to the people here. The usual people that we always hang out with. All of us are going back and we've already plan on what all of us wants to do. Earlier on our way back home, I said something that our lives right now are like the TV series..I guess everyone knows which one:

Everyday we would see each other, everyday we would play as soon as Jon finished his work. Almost everyday we would be loud til midnight or almost midnight. Sometimes I think, that one day the police would come knocking on this house to ask us all to SHUT UP at this hour. But then, I like it. Even if all of us go our separate ways in the future, I think that we are going to be friends for life, eventhough we won't be seeing each other everyday.

Right now almost most of us are free, Dya and Haziq are playing the board game - "who wants to be a millionaire" It's quite funny looking at them and listening to them playing, it made the house more alive at 2.30am.

I think I've been craping to much and I also think that my brain is dead slow nowadays and we're going to the city again tomorrow.

Later days,

Double Zee.

Oh how time flies..
It's almost the end of my summer holiday..
Met new people.
Hanged out with old friends.
Some friends continued their journey to the land of the..... BLUWEKKK!!!

After tomorrow, i'll be heading up to KL *insert swearing here*
I regret that I asked them to send my paper there, I should have send it to Miri due to Abu's there. But oh well! I hope I'll get the chance to meet up with my friends in KL instead. Gie!!!!

There's a lot to write or type or which ever it is. But I just can't find the right word to say it all out.

Honestly, how dumb could the first born child gets?

they are as dumb as it gets!
i think the mentally retarded people have more brains then THEM!
They even shout during AZAN! Im not that religious. I honestly don't pray but AT LEAST I RESPECT!!! not to shout during azan! not to shout at kids coz they are just kids.

Talking about what they got to do and CANT DO!
They get everything because if they dont they'll give you THE SILENT TREATMENT.
YES! Even though people say we get a year older by the year and wiser, who ever said that really dont know how things are! They get DUMBER BY THE YEAR!
IMMATURE! WASTE OF LIFE! WASTE OF TIME! & WASTE OF MONEY!!!!
they always taking the easy way out! because the parents are still alive!
oh well yaa! i wish every parents well to live their lives til their great great grand-daughters
but with a kid like this? which parent will?
always worrying their heads of thinking about THE FIRST BORN CHILD!
*they say if you're a girl that's different but your a male*
Always think that they are right!
Clever? yes, clever than the monkeys! but I think the trained monkey are smarter than them!

They don't care what they've done but at the end of the day. THE SECOND CHILD ARE LEFT TO CLEAN UP YOUR MESS!!!
THE SECOND CHILD ARE GIVEN THE RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING!!
WHY???
THE FIRST BORN CHILD ARE SO DUMB THAT I'M SO SPEECHLESS!!

dont shout when I talk!
dont disrespect when I still show you respect!
now that i dont care
i wont help you
you're a burden to ME!
you make my life miserable for your immature thinking and action.
you can lie to the elders but i can come out and tell the truth (on your behalf)
what you've been doing behind their back
sooo FUCK OFF you mentally retarded fucker!!!

dont ever think that you have the RIGHT to shout/yell or anything to me!

p/s: people who reads this, just read and mind your own business.

6 THINGS I’M PASSIONATE ABOUT:

• life
  

• arts
  

• certain history (places/building/etc)

• nature
• learning
• socks.
  

2. 6 BOOKS I READ RECENTLY:

• Law real property
• Commercial Investment
• The Arabia Princess
  
• Stephen King
  
• Nicholas Sparks
  
• ps: i love you
• thanks for the memory
• sad little story
  

3. 6 SONGS/ALBUMS I CAN LISTEN TO OVER AND OVER AGAIN:

• belaian jiwa
• cruisin
  
• sorry
• hot n cold
  
• is it you
  
• goodbye
  

4. 6 THINGS I LEARNED THIS PAST YEAR:

• i'm better off without anyone
• there are much better people
  
• some people are pretentious infront of you.
• I’ve learn to take care of the house, work and kids at the same time. *tiring*
• i tend to be very controlling
  
• I dont care about those people anymore.

5. 6 VALUABLE THINGS I OWN:

• my black book
• my poem book
  
• my compiled book
  
• my watches
• my socks collection
• my old school pics.
  

6. 6 PEOPLE I TAG:

• zulfa
• effa
  
• obie
• meera
• yeeboon
• bing!
  

1.Whatever
- To be honest just say that you never care so we can stop being friends or anything. People who use that word to me just bugs me so damn much. annoys me! erghh!!

2. Sukati ko pun/sukati lah
- sheeeshhhh!!!! if you really mean it, then if i ever do things that you don't like don't ever stop me! i hate it! first you would say, "sukaty ko pun" but after that got angry at me for not listening. who asked you to say "sukaty ko pun" to me? *eat my shorts!*

3. See you when I see you
- I know I shouldn't dwell on the past but this phrase, really freaks me out! I mean Mr. R used to say that to me. Now? we're not even in talking terms anymore. I'm not afraid, I'm phobia with people who used that phrase to me. It's like the next time, they would and could disappear and even if we met in town, we won't be talking EVEN when were right INFRONT OF EACH OTHER. nyehh nyehh nyehh!

4. Itak
- KITAK OII!! NOT ITAK! don't try and be cute and such. Just like kids who doesn't even know how to talk properly. pishhh poshh!!!

5. Ngek
- OMG! this word annoys me so much I could just kill someone. It's like nyehh nyehh nyeh!! I don't know why but I just do highly dislike this word.

6.Pengumuman
- I can spell it, but I don't say it. I have trouble saying it.

7. Ngok
- Fine! I'm not that smart but you don't have to call me that.

8. Mana Mana lah
- cheh! mana mana?? might as well I dont ask if you want to say this. annoying!

Later days.

From time to time when I read my friends or other people's blog, their blogs have so much meaning to it, I mean their posts. Mine? it's about what I do on day-to-day basis, I'm sick of it. Or! sometimes I would post Emo stuff...Erk!!! Emoo ehhhhh! bluwekk!

Like Effa's blog, I really like to read her blog, especially when I feel..mmm how to put this.... a bit insecure about a situation. It would definitely calms me down. nyehh nyehh nyehh...Anyways, officially my holiday starts yesterday, as soon as my exam ended but it was night time so, I didn't do anything. But today, nyerhhhh...I went out from noon til night, a couple of hours karaoke-ing, lunch + dinner, Dya's exhibition *nyahh ada org cute*, Jb Hifi looking for something. Then. went home...Belle and I were playing with the camera, doing crazy stupid gangster pose! hahaaha!

Anyways, I'm home alone now and I'm quite bored. ladi daaa!
I got to clean the house. clean the car. clean my room. buy siblings stuff. check dad's friend stuff. then go die i guess?? *emo mode switched on*

Later days!

17th November
Marketing Research
Real Estate Development

18th November
Law Real Property

19th November
Real Estate Finance

And I would be done for the semester. I can't wait to.............uhhh everything can wait. nothing really matters. I don't really care if i'm going back to kuching. I don't really care how everything gonna turn out. So, pendek cerita, I don't care about anything and everything. So tired already to even care about anything. That would just be wasting my time.

Im at uni.
I'm bored.
I'm studying for Marketing Research thing.
Can't stream the ilecture at home, due to the internet very slow. huhu. dislike it alot when it happens.
Now, My Chest Hurts ehhh...How come ohh...since yesterday it hilang and datang...
is it because of the cold weather?
aiyoo...ngerepaking right now....