Today,

Dya left on the 1.10am flight. Faiz is leaving this Saturday. The only people left in this house would be Aen and Me. Sad. This big house, that's used to be full of people and 24 hours open house. Is now, empty, quiet......and I will be leaving for good too...Soon...

Later days...

SURPRISE ! ! !
by Nadya Zainal.

She who appeared last sunday night infront of our door step.

Today, we went for a picnic at Walter Point Reserve and it was fun. After the very sun already sets picnic, we went for a karaokeeee!!! at Myaree. That was fun! There was Dya, Aqis, Mimi, Leo, Inin, Faiz, Aen, Haziq, Nisa, Nora, Chen chen, Azri, Deska, Shahzy (uncle), & me (I hope I's mentioned everyone here...)

But somehow at the end of the day, I'm not in the mood.

just a short post saying that.....

I have that feeling again,
where i don't really care if i don't have my friends with me.
I don't think it's weird but i do feel tired.
I don't feel like I want to mix with people much.
as in people that i don't really know.
People whom I feel are just my acquaintances
I feel like I just want to be alone....
I think I'm getting use to it again..........

Later days.

I am very cranky right now. Dad said no! Why? I'm so pissed. I've done everything that they want me to do and I still can't get a simple fucking thing.

I guess I am a very random firework. It's hard to pinned-point which one would describe me best. Can those people come up with random fireworks? Errkkk! I think, if they do, some people are going to get hurt.

Later days,
Double Zee.

I am never good at losing people. Breaks up can even make me cry like crazy, what more to say if I lose one of my family member. I'm not good at losing people that matters to me. I'm lousy at it and I can't handle it like normal people because I'm not that normal like other people. (Friends said I'm extra fragile, is that true?) Losing people scares me the most, I can lose my money, I can lose all the things that anyone can ever buy or own but I can't lose my family and my close friends.

This time my instinct is so not good and I feel like I need to go back to Kuching. But the elders are telling all of us to hold on. I can't, I need to go back. If I earn my own money by now, I would go back regardless of what my dad says. Arghh!!! This is one of the thing that I don't like about being far away from my family!!! Fucking Ass Bitch!!

Later days,
Double Zee.

Hello,

I am in my foul mood. It is bad. It is really really bad. It is about adopting someone as your brother or sister. I don't get it. Last few weeks, Als asked me to be his sister and i was in shocked. Considering that we're the same age, I said, are you crazy, we're the same age, how can we be brothers and sisters. and he said we can be twins. I said, we don't even look alike to be twins. Then, he just kept on trying to persuade me to agree on this adopting thing.

This is something that I did not tell anyone. except for Ben. For people to ask me to be their adopted sister or anything like that makes me feel that I only deserved to be people's sister, to only be treated as sister. I am not hoping or asking anything from Als. Don't get me wrong. Why can't he say, be my bestfriend Zsa? be my good friend Zsa? Instead of, Be my adopt sister Zsa?

What Ron said to me, made me feel that way. Made me feel that I only deserve to be someone's adopt sister and that there's no way in this life time that I ever gonna meet someone that would see me more than that? Do I sound desperate?

Happiness is a state of mind.

Later days,

Double Zee

Everyone left today. So, it's just azri, aen, dya, rin and i at home in Perth. It was an early day, went shopping and went picnicking at Mill Point. Played football and such. When we reached home, we watched the drama again.

I think i have issue on admitting that i'm alone? haha. this year would be the 4th year. haha. emo? i am not emo. I am cool! I don't need anyone! I am supergirl. here i am to save my world. haha.

Later days,
Double Zee.

the
.
reason
.
why
.
i
.
told
.
you
.
that
.
you're
.
dumb
.
because
.
i
.
was
.
afraid
.
that
.
you
.
let
.
go
.
if
.
i
.
told
.
you
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
i miss you

Harlow.

I deactivated my facebook account again. I need some alone time. a seriously alone on my own time. my head is battling with my heart.

Later days,

Double Zee.

I really regret that I came back to Perth way to early. My classes starts next week, within that time, what am I to do? I'm out of things to do. I'm out of ideas. Please God, give me something to do. I also think that I should be looking for a job, any job because I need the extra cash. The currency is sky rocketing and it's killing me man. How could you currency? You're never in my shoes so you don't know how much money I need. But I would never want to depend on a guy to support my life. So, I think I need to learn how to earn money on my own rather than asking money from my father.

I also feel that the feeling is gone. Maybe I've gotten to tired of it and I feel that it would never be how I thought it would be. Or maybe that I've made a mistake of saying what I've said and cause him to draws back. Argh, when will everything be alright? when will everything shows? I need to know all the cards. I guess I should just sit back, relax and just follow the flow. Then again, how can I lose something that's never mine? So, I don't think I would care much.

Later days,

Double Zee.

Harloww...

Now that we are towards the end of the semester, one by one of us are leaving Perth. I'll be the third person leaving. Somehow, I really do cherish this semester. It was fun, a pinch of psychotic, a sprinkle of annoyance and a big spoon of sighseeing. Overall, I wouldn't change it for the whole wide world. I guess this is how and what University life should be when you're abroad. You'll be a tourist too. (^_^)

Oh! earlier today, dad called to informed me that the parents are going to Umra' and that he wants me to take care of the house and so on. I was a bit shocked because I really can't anymore. I shouldn't say that I can't. I should say I don't want to take care of the stuff. It can be quiet tiring, especially for my age. I'm still young and I'm on my holiday break! I wanted to stay at the apartment and try to relax by myself. I did take care of everything once and having a big brother doesn't help much.

Anyways, I guess I won't be seeing the usual people in Kuching. I know I'll be so damn busy from morning til night and that's why I'm not sure if I'll be able to see them.

Later days,

Double Zee.

Hello,

Fuckity Fuck Fuck. You Dumb Fuck.
Tell it to my face. Im not a pussy like you.
You're such a pussy.
Dumb fuck you act like a girl.

Tell me one thing, What the heck did I do to you??

Later days,

Double Zee.

Hello,

I ain't got any laptop anymore.
Was doing my "video" for the presentation.
I banged it. Then a couple of minutes later when I tried to restart my laptop, it just doesn't function anymore.

Oh well, fuck that. I don't care and I don't mind.
I hate the current state that I am in. Thanks a bunch.

Later days,
Double Zee.

All Hope Is Gone
I wish that I could be everything that you hoped for.
I wish the right time would be now but I don't know if you feel the same.
I should just stop before I hurt myself especially when I'm not sure how you feel.
I wish the right time would be now but I know you don't feel a thing.
I wish that I could be everything that you ever want.
Hours, days, weeks, months goes by.
I still want to feel your presence.
I still want to feel your warmth whenever you're near.

Things that you don't know.
You make me smile when I'm sad.
You give me confidence when I feel down.
You make me laugh every time I tried to be mad.
Every time I want to find your flaw all I could ever found is perfection.
I like it when I lean against you and you give me your shoulder.
I want you to put your arms around me and pull me close.
I want everything to be just the way it is.

Just when I want to give up.
Every thing would change.
You would be you again.
I would be right back at the start.
Wanting you.
Missing you.
Waiting for you to come.
I see everything in you are beautiful.

Hello,

I understand.
There's a million reasons why.
But I need one.
Just one to help me decide.

M.U.

*happiness comes along with sadness*

Later days,
Double Zee.

There are some things better left unsaid.

From time to time the thought of you still lingers in my mind.

Chibai. Damn you to hell.

Haha. Psyche!

I said I promise to never fall in love with a stranger, you're all i'm thinking of, i praised the lord above.

huwarghhh....I miss the feeling of being love. huwahaha aku ingga but anways, lalek laa

Today, I went to Swan Valley.
Friends, Cousins and I went around Swan Valley.
Had lunch at Feral, Visit the chocolate factory and the Sandalford Winery, Cheese tasting and ate the best ice cream in Swan Valley.

I miss that feeling.
But Im too young to know all those stuff.
Im just a kid.
That feeling that makes you glow most of the time.
Being around that person you can be much more relax because you know that that person would always be there to help you.

Aiyo! Enough craping. I want to cut my hair now.

Later days!

p/s: pictures of the Swan Valley trip will be post when I feel like it. (^_^)

Hello..

I'll be leaving this coming Tuesday (17/2/08).

A part of me will miss Kuching.
A part of me just can't wait to get out.
A part of me keeps on wondering.
Either way all of us are going back.

Later days.

p/s: busy spending time with family.

Hello.....

It ended (16 Jan 09) as quickly as it started. It was kinda sad, well I was unhappy for quite a while, trying to fix everything up. Somehow when it ended, it was kind of a relief, all the burden been lifted up. my head and heart feels lighter. Of course I was sad for a couple of hours but after that i was up on the tabletop dancing the night away with my brother and cousin. After this, Im staying exactly the way I am. I would be MUCH HAPPIER....So, enough of everything *emo kali bunyi*


Flash Foward!!!

Today! I just got back from SS. It's very tiring, kinda sleepy but the beach was kinda helpful, it kept my mind off things. The first day we went to the beach, there were a bunch of photographers and 3 models..*hakshjakdbajkhsauhuk* SORRY!! They were taking pictures of them on the sand, rocks, by the sea.

running around screaming, "Fuck you"

Anways, back to my day. we were running around towards the sea, splashing, kicking and screaming our lungs out. The words that came out was nothing but "FUCK YOU!!" don't get me wrong~ i was just singing a song. That song is kinda cool. And had SEAFOOD FOR DINNER!! wahahahahahahaha!!! my LOVEEEE~~~!!! huhu

The final day, more kicking, splashing and screaming...but it rained....and more pictures! haha!

mimi the perv!

stairway to heaven. very emo! picture!

it's overrrrrr

all the girls

*spanks*

the day ends with a bang! people pushing the car...and daddy saying, "who told you to do this and this and this...if you dont know how to use this car then dont use it....use the 4 wheel drive"

From time to time when I read my friends or other people's blog, their blogs have so much meaning to it, I mean their posts. Mine? it's about what I do on day-to-day basis, I'm sick of it. Or! sometimes I would post Emo stuff...Erk!!! Emoo ehhhhh! bluwekk!

Like Effa's blog, I really like to read her blog, especially when I feel..mmm how to put this.... a bit insecure about a situation. It would definitely calms me down. nyehh nyehh nyehh...Anyways, officially my holiday starts yesterday, as soon as my exam ended but it was night time so, I didn't do anything. But today, nyerhhhh...I went out from noon til night, a couple of hours karaoke-ing, lunch + dinner, Dya's exhibition *nyahh ada org cute*, Jb Hifi looking for something. Then. went home...Belle and I were playing with the camera, doing crazy stupid gangster pose! hahaaha!

Anyways, I'm home alone now and I'm quite bored. ladi daaa!
I got to clean the house. clean the car. clean my room. buy siblings stuff. check dad's friend stuff. then go die i guess?? *emo mode switched on*

Later days!